Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
