The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize