Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
