Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
