I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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