If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
