Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
