everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Someone signed my nipple.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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