physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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