Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
