I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
