He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
