I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize