It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
