Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize