Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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