I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
