So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize