You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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