ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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