I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
