The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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