My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
