Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize