he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am one with the molecules
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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