I must be too annoying 4 u.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize