The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
