i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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