I think my vagina is haunted
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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