Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
