I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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