I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
