So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
