also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
