So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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