I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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