Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
