bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
