thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
