If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
