sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
