It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
