i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
