i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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