remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
