The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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