I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
