We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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