I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
