I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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