when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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