I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
