I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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