between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
