Umm I'm too high to move.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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