So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
be right there i have to get my cape
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
