I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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