i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
