You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
