She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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