Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize