I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
