im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
