If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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