I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
