Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
