Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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