then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
