dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
