i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
