i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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