i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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