You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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