looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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