Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
