some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
