I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
