You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
