I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
