Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
